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Excelsior, my 2020.

Resolutions are shit.

That is that. I hate making weird small goals that I’ll never finish, and then feel like shit for not finishing.

I like the trend of assigning a word to a year. What you hope the year embodies, how you want to live, how you hope to live, and how you handle every situation that gets thrown at you. Because like vowing to eat healthier doesn’t help navigate getting laid off from your job and shit.

Silver Linings Playbook is one of my favorite movies ever. It was the first time I saw people dealing with mental illness, and how other people perceive it and treat you, on the big screen. And those chaotic bitches lived on the premise of no matter what happens there’s a silver lining somewhere in it. And you know what, fuck yeah. They’re on to something . Everything sucks all the time, but there’s something great in all of it.

“It means, you know what I’m going to do, I’m going to take all this negativity and I’m going to use it as fuel, I’m going to find a silver lining, that’s what I’m going to do.” That is my 2020, and my forever.

I’ve been absent for a long time, and I’ve been BUSY, and struggling. And also doing hella eyeshadow because I have been tearing up some Ru Pauls Drag Race.

First of all, my cat broke her little tootsie.

She fractured her toe on her front paw from falling down that stairs of doom in my god forsaken house. Who leaves basement stairs open with a ledge down them? Well realistically, people who aren’t hiding bodies, so thats good. But that just means my cat jumps on the ledge like a psychopath and overshot and just jumped down the stairs. Now, we know I’m a crazy cat lady, emphasis on crazy. So that filled up about a week and a half of my time of constant watching her and make sure she isnt jumping and healing right.

Second of all, I finally started my new job a couple months ago.

So I have been adjusting to working and juggling my personal time again. After being unemployed for around ten months, it was quite the adjustment for a couple weeks there. However, I love this job. I love the company, I love the work and I love the monayyy. But like…..a bitch likes her free time to binge watch the 47 shows that have come out. So I’ve been being lazy

Third of all, my Macbook decided it would be an appropriate time to take a total shit on me.

It was taking me like 4 hours to drag and drop and delete things so that I could try and update it. Turns out it needed a $650 repair, that took me weeks to drop off and figure out because of work. I hope everyone enjoys ramen noodles, because Christmas was sponsored by Ramen. The kind that are 33 cents and you can trade in prison.

Fourth of all, I’m still trying to figure out if there’s a reason why I gained all this weight.

We’re getting warmer, then colder, then warmer again. And honestly, its exhausting. It’s been taking up most of my time and causing me a lot of mental exhaustion. And who wants to write margarita recipes and tutorials when you cant even look in the mirror or tell people why you feel so shitty? Just gotta bottle it up and pretend everything is fine, because (hand to god) anxiety makes you feel like that is the most logical option

I’m sad I missed making Christmas gift guides for you guys, I missed my two year anniversary, and the entire holiday season. So, maybe I’ll crank out some New Year new you margarita recipes to make it up to you! #SponsorMeCasamigos

Also like, I wanna travel more. Do Pilates and yoga. Quit throwing away socks when I clean my room because I don’t feel like putting them away or washing them. Normal “resolutions”.

And remember, you never know what people are going through so be kind always! When in doubt, bring a bottle of wine to your friends always.

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2 Comments

  • Reply Kortney

    We loved seeing you at work! Can’t wait to come back and next time not 15 mins before you close.

    January 5, 2020 at 12:57 am
    • Reply Madison

      Haha I love that you’re so close!!

      January 5, 2020 at 8:55 pm

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