*Checks calendar* Yep, a little over a year from last complete mental breakdown, time for another. Living with anxiety is terrible. I don’t expect anyone to understand. Yes, I know a ton of people who have anxiety….like A LOT. However, they don’t know my anxiety, and I don’t know their’s.
That is something my friends are good at. They don’t pretend to know, they just care. Even my friends who struggle don’t try to tell me they get it, they just grab a rosé and say “that sucks”. Because you know what? It does. I didn’t ask for this, or do this to myself. My brain is wired all ass backwards and my well being suffers.
Well I’ve been suffering in silence a lot.
I read somewhere that you should only share happy things. People want to see your success and happiness, not your whining or unhappiness. It doesn’t draw people in. At the time I was like, yeah you’re probably right. However, I wasn’t just having a bad day, I was having a bad crisis. I wasn’t hiding a bad hair day, I was hiding my life.
So, you know what? If you don’t want to see me fail, or upset, or spiraling, this is not the place for you. I set out to make this a lifestyle blog, whatever that is, but you can’t preach all this good, and fashion, and recipes, without admitting to people that sometimes you’re falling apart.
So, here I am.
In between cocktail recipes, and my most successful post ever, telling you that I have slowly become unraveled. I have kept quiet, I had nothing to give. I couldn’t even wash my hair, and I’m about to give you five tips on quick makeup? Yeah, I think the fuck not. But you know what? I did have something to share. You’re not alone. My life is not what it seems on instagram. When you share, great shit happens. I posted a tweet telling everyone how I was feeling, what I was going through, and thanking them for not throwing eggs at my dirty ass hair and laughing at me the 3 times I went in public. You know what I got? Amazing feedback, amazing advice, and some reassurance.
Sometimes life sucks, and there is not shit you can do about it. It’s like the episode of The Office where the three things Michael hates doing all fall on one Friday. Eventually the frayed wires in our brains are going to meet and short circuit. However, sometimes the world doesn’t suck. There are people who want to help, people who can help, and gives you a little glimmer of hope that things are going to be okay. The wires are going to reset, and reboot.
I thought I had nothing to say.
Yet here I am. Sharing all my garbage with you, hoping that maybe it will help one person do the same. Also, now that we’re here, I have re-organized yet again. Since I can’t dye my hair (In a wedding in June) or rearrange my room (weak ass arms), like normal mental breakdowns, I’ve decided to re-do the blog.
I hope you like it, I plan to do more, share more, and do more things I want to do. Whilst doing all those things, I hope to get something from it that is worth sharing with you guys. I want to travel, I want to cook and bake, and I want to be happy. I hope you’re still around for the journey after this mess.