I failed. However, I’m not a failure, I tried. I studied something I genuinely love, I tried to make it work. But, like Brie Larson in The Unicorn Store, I am currently at home in my parents living the life of an angsty teenager. Unlike Brie Larson though, I never left. So like, I didn’t have to go through that awkward stage where your parents turn your childhood room into a yoga studio. SO HA!
In the Unicorn Store, she fails at her dreams so she tries to be a professional working through a temp agency instead. She gets an ill fitted power suit and pretends to like kale. Basically what I did almost exactly a year from now. Except raw kale can go to hell. I thought I knew what I wanted, I got a job in the field of my degree, and I got it very quickly. Then, I let it slowly drain me.
I knew this wasn’t for me
It was obvious, even on my first day, I had extreme doubts. I was stuck in an office (a 97% wood paneled office!!) for eight hours a day. With one other coworker who was just the worst. It felt toxic, but thats life right? People are supposed to want to get a professional job and live the cushy 9-5 life. It seemed great, until it wasn’t. Eventually if someone is doing something they’re not supposed to do, they’ll feel it. I lasted a little over 6 months, and my therapist will tell you I was planning that exit for 5 months.
Not everyone is supposed to wear a suit, work pants, or Jaclyn Smith heels from Kmart. The world needs people to follow their dreams. Which also means if your dream is to work that office job in your Kmart heels, DO IT! However, if you want to write, or paint, or sing, or act, the world needs you too. Even if it takes years and tens of thousands of dollars to figure it out. Don’t feel bad about studying something and it just not translating to being a career.
So, unlike the movie..
If I believe in myself and stick to my asinine roots, I won’t get an actual unicorn. However, I will get a lifetime of happiness instead. I want to wear ridiculous sunglasses everyday, and I want pink hair, and I want to currently bedazzle 98% of the wardrobe I currently own. That doesn’t mean I can’t be a professional if I want to. There is something out there for me. Something that meshes perfectly with all of my skills and interests.
I applied for a handful of jobs I thought would be perfect for me. None of them were even interested in reaching out to try and interview me. Literally, not one asked me for a part in the interview stage. I hold a masters degree and have a mound of debt, and I can’t even get a job to want to talk to me, that I’m over qualified for.
That doesn’t mean something isn’t out there that is perfect for me.
I refuse to compromise on things that don’t make me happy. I know somewhere out there is a job that won’t make it feel like compromising. I’m sticking to applying to stuff that seems perfect to me. Until then, here I am, drinking champagne, being colorful, and celebrating me.
Cheers! Remember, you’re not a failure if you fail at something. Embrace your inner Unicorn Store.