Whenever I think about what makes me happy, or what would make me happy its always something dramatic.
“I can finally afford that Gucci belt”, “I really want a Louis Vuitton”, “I want to go to Greece”. I’m really an all or nothing bitch, but I’m trying to change that, you wanna know why?
A wise woman once told me, put your name on your shit. Own the shit you worked so hard on. Don’t hide behind a name. I really didn’t think I was hiding, I just didn’t want my real name everywhere. However, this is real work I’m doing, and I love it. So you know what? Screw it. I want you to facebook me when you read my stuff, I want people to reach out, and I want my name in GIANT LETTERS by everything. Because it is MINE
Nothing is permanent. Especially the good stuff. Sometimes, when the fog of anxiety clears, you think it’s all over. You think that it’s over, FINALLY. You come out of a funk, you clean your room and get all the shit off of the floor, and light one decrepit Bath and Body Works candle from 2009 and relax. In a perfect world that is where the credits would roll. BUT we do not live in a perfect world, and the anxiety will come back like some terrible Mean Girls 2 sequel. I sat in my office at work, feeling the walls cave in, on your average Tuesday morning, trying to catch my breath and sweating. If someone had asked me what was wrong the answer would be “nothing” or “I don’t know”, and it wouldn’t be a lie. Generalized anxiety is stupid and it happens any time for any and all reasons.
Then, while scrolling instagram searching for the perfect InStAgRaM story (follow me here), I saw something revolutionary. It was a quote that said:
You wanna know something? I love trashy TV. The trashier the better actually. After having to use my nice people voice all day (seriously, why do we do that and who even IS that person?), there is nothing better than watching Pauly D scream at people in a mocking tone of his own voice.
Teen mom has seemed to get away from me.
First of all, if you have NOT watched Jenelle Evans’ straight up road rage episode, watch it now. Home girl has lost her whole mind. She put Jace in an unbelievable amount of danger. Which I am sure she did not think she was doing because she’s an NRA groupie, and her gun would save them from whatever danger she was leading them into. (not saying it wouldnt save them, but what if that dude also pulled out a gun and was a little less stable). Secondly, Jace was not phased one bit during this entire thing, just like he was on a leisurely car ride, so, you know he’s seen some shit.
I got a job. In the field I have studied for. The field I spent five years studying. SO….why am I so sad and empty? Was Graduate school the honeymoon phase of my life? God that’s so sad. I considered just getting a PhD because apparently school was the best thing since sliced bread. Until I came across a post on facebook. The. Post. Graduate. Slump.
I wanted to share something with you guys. WordPress keeps telling me the readability “needs improvement” in large red letters. Well thats because ITS BORING. It is my masters independent research project. There are no pictures, or headings with the appropriate amount of words underneath (because there are thousands of words underneath bitches). Anyways, this took me four entire months, draft after draft, sweat, panic, citations, more panic about accidentally plagiarizing, eye strain, probably carpal tunnel from typing eight thousand words, and ignoring my friends. But I got through it, and turned it in, and realized I did all that work and research for a grade and my professor to read it. Back to the external hard drive to collect dust. Um, no thank you. Im going to leave it here so that you all can read ALL OF IT, my entire 27 page paper, because you LOVE ME. Also, who knows, maybe this could be a good resource for someone, scholarly or real life. Enjoy.
(I’ll add a couple pix, maybe it will bump up its “readability”)
As I watch the final episodes of 13 Reasons Why, I want to recap this shit.
I’m not ready to talk about the Royal Wedding yet, okay? So, this is where we are right now.
13 Reasons Why Season 2 proved to be just of a hot mess as the first.
The book? Fantastic! The first season depiction? It was actually kind of good, and entertaining. It showed a dramatized version of how awful high school could be. UNTIL — they did what they did to Hannah’s scene. It was supposed to be pills, it was quiet, peaceful, and easy. They needed a shock factor. So, they did what they did, and I hated it. Then they stuck up for it, and I hated it even more. That is where they lost me for good, I won’t be a fan, but I’ll watch it. It is entertaining.
Ever since I was little I can remember loving the feeling of pressure on me. Not the inside pressure, where I had to decide if I was going to begin my forgery career, or just admit to my teacher my mom did NOT sign my agenda and I would be sitting inside for recess. (I’ll let you choose what one I decided on) What I mean is, like when a friend sits on you in, what I can only assume, an attempt to kill you. They’re screaming at you “DOES THIS HURT??!” and you’re laying there like……ummm…actually it doesn’t and this is great. Same thing as when my cat, on an extremely rare occasion (I’m talking rare like my cousin showers AND brushes his teeth in the same day rare) sits on my chest. Im like, oh my god live here on my chest forever please. It just felt so calming? What an odd thing. Or so I thought.
It is like an actual thing that helps people. Something about Deep Touch Pressure, and how it can reduce activity in the nervous system, or even go as far as like the pressure, like a hug, releases serotonin and endorphins and other science shit. Nobody ever told me this life changing information. I stumbled upon it when I discovered…*drum roll please*…..
I typed a whole post out on this but deleted it because I got DERAILED. I’m so easily distracted, one minute I’m trying to write some real shit and the next minute I’m typing paragraphs talking shit about some super blogger named Karen.
I DON’T WANT TO WORK 90 HOURS A WEEK SHARING MY OWN SHIT ALL OVER MY OWN SOCIAL MEDIA SO I CAN MAKE MONEY BLOGGING, I JUST WANT TO BLOG. I WILL DO IT MY OWN WAY AND THE MONEY WILL COME. SORRY YOU FEEL THE NEED TO ANNOY EVERYONE FOR A QUICK BUCK.
Okay, I got it out, and its out there.
I’m me, thats never going to change. No matter how much I want it to. I want to be fit, and work out, and eat healthy and be trendy. So, I try to do those things and it just never works. THEN I hate myself because it doesn’t work.
It is no secret that when I want to….I can throw the best parties. I am very obsessive and I love going overboard, so I have all the makings of a great party thrower. Lets go memory lane and so I can show you my favorite party that I have ever thrown.
Does anything sound more fun than going to prom? Yes, like several things. Prom had a really strict dress code, and you weren’t old enough to drink yet, and there were chaperones squeezing between people. However, does anything sound more fun that an adult prom?
You might be thinking of some things that you THINK are more fun, but you’re wrong. Nothing is more fun. I rented a giant barn, I made a real dangerous alcoholic punch, and I left a digital camera out.