So you think you want to start a blog and enter the madness of the blogging world. Just kidding, there isn’t that much madness, this isn’t SUR. But, I don’t know what led you to this decision, which is really the first question you need to ask yourself before you start this process. So grab your tea and sit down. (This isnt gunna be some in depth thing, I’m just giving you the low down)
Why do you want to start a blog?
Nothing is permanent. Especially the good stuff. Sometimes, when the fog of anxiety clears, you think it’s all over. You think that it’s over, FINALLY. You come out of a funk, you clean your room and get all the shit off of the floor, and light one decrepit Bath and Body Works candle from 2009 and relax. In a perfect world that is where the credits would roll. BUT we do not live in a perfect world, and the anxiety will come back like some terrible Mean Girls 2 sequel. I sat in my office at work, feeling the walls cave in, on your average Tuesday morning, trying to catch my breath and sweating. If someone had asked me what was wrong the answer would be “nothing” or “I don’t know”, and it wouldn’t be a lie. Generalized anxiety is stupid and it happens any time for any and all reasons.
Then, while scrolling instagram searching for the perfect InStAgRaM story (follow me here), I saw something revolutionary. It was a quote that said:
Not be confused with the looking glass self. Instead of the looking glass self, where you conform to what people perceive you to be, what if you could look inside other peoples glass? and see what they perceive themselves to be?
You know those people you follow who have it all together? You know the ones, the ones who did great in high school? The ones who went to college and somehow had a social and academic life? Got married? All while seemingly have not ever had a Itneybray Earspray 2007 meltdown? Yeah, me too, and I envied them forever. Every milestone I hit, I compared to when those perfect people accomplished it. “Only a few years behind” I would tell myself. I just could NOT believe how easily these people got things accomplished, like it was handed to them silver platter after silver platter.
I spent a lot of time envying them. The only things being handed to me were medical bills on a closeout TJMaxx chipped platter. All while I was having meltdown after meltdown. They looked like super models and were taking amazing trips. While I looked like a low budget zombie from Thriller and haven’t even left my bedroom in five consecutive days. I hated them.
First of all, is it travel anxiety or is it just real ass anxiety? It is almost impossible to tell. I feel like travel anxiety is all your regular anxieties, heightened because of the fact you do not get to be at home. However, whatever it is, its god awful. I almost passed up the opportunity of a lifetime because I was too nervous to leave. Just think of all the things that could go wrong! Do I have something in my carry on thats going to flag me as a terrorist? Is my checked bag being thrown around all willy nilly? What if I miss my flight even though I’m 2 hours early?
So, thats what I did, thought of all the minute things that could go wrong. My friend did the honors of googling the chances of plane crashes, and dying in plane crashes. Which are somewhere in the 1 in 5.5 million of a plane crashing. So, then I had to prepare myself for what to do in the event of a plane crash. They say not to take your stuff with you, but like, I am absolutely taking my stuff. What if we’re stranded on a remote island (somewhere between Ohio and Burbank CA) and I need a blanket, or the 5th Harry Potter book?? Yeah nice try Amanda the flight attendant, but I’ll be taking my stuff.
I have been suffering for as long as I can remember. There may have been a brief clearing of the fog, but that was when N*SYNC took a ‘temporary hiatus’ and then never came back, SO I was still suffering. Anxiety is funny, it makes you ruin your own life. Anxiety makes you sit there and feel like you are all alone, you are the only living person who feels like this. WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, it makes you sit there and think… okay 40 million whole people also have this, so nobody really cares about mine. What am I going to do? Just go up and be like “man I really feel overwhelmed today” just so someone else can tell me “yeah…me too….and 40 million other people….get over it, it’s normal”.