So, I’ve been gone, living the post graduate life.
I got a job. In the field I have studied for. The field I spent five years studying. SO….why am I so sad and empty? Was Graduate school the honeymoon phase of my life? God that’s so sad. I considered just getting a PhD because apparently school was the best thing since sliced bread. Until I came across a post on facebook. The. Post. Graduate. Slump.
She said everything I was thinking.
I can’t believe I went to school for all that time and now I’m working this job five days a week and I have no time for myself. Im stuck between “hey thats life” and “I am not meant for that 9-5”. Because I have come across people in my life who are honest to god, not for that 9-5. Some people just don’t function that way, and guess what? They are still alive, they are living life exactly how they want. (CC: Kelly Hanner). She travels, she lives with her man and her dog wherever they want to, she endorses products, she makes an honest living, but above all….she’s HAPPY. She realized “regular” life was not for her and she had the bravery to adjust her life. (and she has managed to look AMAZING and make other FEEL amazing while doing it).
But then I’m like…….Am I being dramatic? Am I just not used to working a real job? I worked a weekend job, which was only nights, for the past five years of my life. Maybe I need some adjustment time. I worked one real other job at a bank with similar hours…..and I hated that too.
I couldn’t put my finger on what the issue was though?
People kill for 9-5’s. No nights or weekends was a dream for me. Until I realized that I get 4 hours after work to myself, until I need to get ready to go to bed to go to work again and then thats my whole week. There just literally has to be more to this.
Sure, I get the weekend. But I feel Monday looming the background… the…whole…time… I can’t stop it. I’m having such a good time with friends, but I know I have to have fun today because tomorrow is Sunday and I have to get ready for work again.
Its like this scene of squidward, when he decided to move to that cult town where everyone is the same and then his insides die.
However, I have to stick it out.
The job is great. It’s easy-ish, it pays well, I never work nights, I never work weekends, and my coworkers don’t make my life a living hell. Its a hell of a lot more than other people can say. I would be dumb to throw it all away over some post graduate panic.
But the doubt is looming in the darkness. My favorite coworker is leaving me. The uncertainty and panic follows me into that office. Is the American dream changing? I want to see the world with the people I love the most. I want to be happy because I know what it means to feel miserable.
I think that is the most reckless thing. Me, and everyone else who suffers from mental illness knows what it is like to suffer in your own mind. SO, once we realize what has been going on, we will do anything to stop it. Once I feel I am unhappy, I have to stop that in its tracks. I refuse to be a victim to anxiety and sadness when I don’t have to be anymore.
Post graduate life challenges all of that. We didn’t grow up hearing of the struggles of getting into your dream career. We didn’t grow up hearing about happiness over guaranteed stability. The career starting slump is never talked about.
I know that everything sucks at first. People don’t just rise to the top without hard work and suffering. I know this is my struggle. This is my road to the ACLU or the DNC, but this new life is blinding. I can’t believe this is life. Working all day everyday. Getting a free day, and then right back to the grind. I think of the already established career people, who are jet setting every other week while working a corporate job.
I just wanna be on the Jersey Shore, I wanna live it up and make money by telling my friends their butt looks good and then going to the club. But alas, I am not tan, nor fun enough for that life.
So for now, 9-5 is my new life. I owe me, my degrees, and my company a shot. I have to give a try. The most important thing to remember is nothing is permanent, you can change something whenever you want to, and all that matters is that I am happy. I can live without a Louis Vuitton purse, I however, cannot live with being miserable in a lifestyle that is not for me.
Cheers to the post grad life, and figuring out what we ACTUALLY want now that we’re full grown adults and professionals!