Okay so, all your friends are weird.
That’s okay, I have created a gift guide based on different types of friends one might encounter. No more guessing what Brittany, the laziest human on the planet, might want. No more assuming all Susan, the mom of the group, wants is a gift card for a stacked bob haircut. I have gone through and analyzed my own friend group, and friend groups from TV, and curated five perfect categories to help you get your shop on.
1. The hotmess express (choo choo)
You know a few things to be sure in this crazy world. She will be the most excited to go out. She will be the first to cry. She will have to leave the bar 10:30pm. Help her out guys..
- Reuse-able cooling eye mask…because shes going to cry. She is going to need a good de-puffing in the morning. $6
- Smudge proof lipstick. Personally, everybody needs this but your local hotmess express is probably going to have to wipe her face a lot and it would just be better for everyone if she didnt have satin flaming red lipstick in her sideburns. $6
- Ponytail holders. Ya girl is gunna get sweaty dancing to lil john and the east-side boyz. Ponytail is better than stringy hair. $7 for 100
- Sunglasses. The more opaque the better. Nobody needs to see those bags while they’re enjoying their brunch. and also your friend hates the sun right now. $13
- TILE MATE. Get this, get this, get this. Nothing like recapping in the morning and your friend is like hey where is my phone or my keys or my wallet. Frisbee this into all her belongings and it will make your morning scavenger hunt a lot easier. $25
- S’well water bottle. Your friend will need water, and she will fight it like the exorcist with holy water. Invest in a cute water bottle to trick her into drinking it.
- Make-up remover wipes. Just put these in her purse, she will need them at bar, in the bathroom, in the taxi and when she gets home. Because she will have mascara tire tracks on her face without them.
2. The mother of the group
She takes care of you all. She’s got a fanny pack full of phones and advil. She makes sure everyone gets home safe and says she hates it but she’s lying..
- Advil. A ton of tiny advils. These are not for her, these are for you. This just stops you from throwing her personal advil like confetti to everyone at home base when you all get home. $7
- Portable charger. This has two ports, for maximum safety. She can charge everyone in the groups phone so that Tiffany doesn’t start crying in the bathroom because she can’t text Jason because her phone died. Moms got you. $24
- The kid leash. Because there is ALWAYS a runner. One minute you’re all there and the next minute, she’s gone. Well guess WHAT, not anymore! $17 for a 2 pack
- Bandaids. Someone is going to fall, you might as well just try and stop that infection in its tracks. $6
- Coffee cup. Keep her 2am coffee hot while she travels 100 miles round trip to get everyone to their respective sleeping places. $30
- Lavender essential oil. So that she can destress when the night finally ends at 4am. $9
- A gift card for gas. You know…..for all the rides she has to give you all.
3. The life of the party
When she shows up, she shows out. You kind of want to live her life because the snapchats are so entertaining, but you also know you could never handle it. She’s beauty and she’s grace, she once ate pizza off of the sidewalk and then made her über driver take her to Taco Bell.
- Instax mini. Somethings just don’t deserve to get deleted in the morning. May it live on forever. $61
- GoPro. Waterproof. Lifeproof. One long streaming video of what she did all night. Get the headband attachment. $150
- Breathalyzer. It is both parts fun and functional. Let her be the life of the party while breathalyzing everyone at the bar, and also get a clear gauge of how much alcohol she has snuck when you weren’t looking. $25
- Lumee case. Because she is not letting a dark club stop her from snapchatting close ups of her face talking to the camera while simultaneously drinking her 4th G&T. $35
- Flask. A life of the party staple. You can’t be the life of the party if you buy all those $11 drinks. Sometimes you need to make your own in the bathroom. $22
- Bluetooth Speaker. This girl RUNS the pregame, and she deserves her own speaker. $30
- Uber gift card. There is a good chance she ain’t stickin’ around for the group ride home.
4. The homebody
This girl is not leaving her home. Not even for your birthday. When you suggest going out she will suggest Applebees and then hanging out at home. She is always cold and also lazy as hell. (its me)
- Cards against humanity. Her ultimate bribe. If you guys choose to not go out you can drink for free at her house and play cards against humanity. $25
- Grabber. The ultimate lazy tool, she needs to get the remote without moving the blankets or waking up her cat. $15
- Slipper socks. SHE. IS. ALWAYS.COLD. Her feet ate constantly the temperature of a corpse. $14
- Dunder Mifflin mug. Has seen every episode of the office. Sometimes understands where Angela is coming from. (bonus, the back says “worlds greatest boss”) $13
- Christmas tree wax melts. You know this friend has a scentsy warmer. And she probably doesn’t have a real tree scent in her home because that means walking outside in the cold for more than 2 minutes. $9 for a 2 pack
- Footie pajamas. It will be her favorite gift. She will immediately put it on over whatever outfit she is wearing now. She will suggest a footie pajama sleepover party 4 days later in the group chat (she still hasn’t taken it off) $40
- Amazon echo dot. So she can just shout out her pizza order from the couch. $30
5. The generic Rachel Ray
That annoying friend who tries to make you a gourmet meal at 3am when you just really want Taco Bell. Always using unnecessary ingredients and pan movements.
- Bar kit. So that she can pretend to know how to make everyone fancy drinks before you all go out when really all everyone wants is a vodka sprite. $20
- Espresso machine. She hates Starbucks because the coffee is terrible and mass produced or some shit I don’t know. She is always trying to make fancy elaborate coffees for everyone in the morning. Get her a complicated machine she can act like she knows how to use. $126
- Lochness monster ladles. She will pretend to hate it because it doesn’t go with the theme and vibe in her kitchen, but she’ll love them. $9 for 3
- Wine Decanter. Because she’s always trying to be fancy and needs to aerate her wines, but really someone is just going to use it to drink vodka cranberries. $35
- Utensils. She needs a matching set of utensils because I’m sure one of you lost the other pieces to her other sets. It will make her feel fancy and she will display it and nobody will care. $33
- Hand Juicer. This is actually pretty baller. Fresh pressed juices for mixers or mimosas??? Let her be THAT extra. $60
- Hangover cookbook. You guys need sustenance. You don’t need crab cake eggs Benedict or whatever fancy shit she’s trying to justify. Point her in the right direction. $8.50
I could have really went on and on forever thinking of the terrible friends we all have. I had to settle on these five though, they’re the most relatable. I hope these gift guides really help you the way that they have already helped me.
What kind of friend are you? Did you read this like oh my god thats Claire to a T?? Share with your friends, pin the lists, spread the love!! (and the help)
Also another holiday tip, if you dont already use ebates, DO IT. It seems like a scam but its not, you just get cash back from shopping through ebates links to your favorite stores. I already made like 90 dollars for just buying things I was going to anyway.
some of these links are affiliate links and if you purchase something from them I can get money to afford gifts 🙂